If you are a parent,
husband, wife, or friend of a person who is harming his/her body and are asking yourself the following questions, then
this section is for you!
A person who causes self-inflicted pain and/or injuries can be male, female, young, old, married,
single, or even a mother or a father. This affects people of all ages, races and backgrounds and is not a only a "teen
issue" or a "woman's issue".
The reasons vary from person to person as to why they would cause
self-inflicted pain and/or injuries on their own body. A person who self-injures may be described as:
>
A person who deliberately causes physical pain, harm, and/or injury to their body; even to the extent of
causing tissue damage (break in skin, bruises, and/or marks that last for more than a few hours).
A
person who causes self-inflicted pain and/or injuries can be male, female, young, old, married, single, or even a mother or
a father. This affects people of all ages, races and backgrounds and is not a only a "teen issue" or a "woman's
issue".
The reasons vary from person to person as to why they would cause self-inflicted pain and/or injuries
on their own body. A person who self-injures may be described as:
> A person who deliberately
causes physical pain, harm, and/or injury to their body; even to the extent of causing tissue damage (break in skin,
bruises, and/or marks that last for more than a few hours).
> A person who causes any type
of harm or pain to themselves as a way of coping with issues (past or present), overwhelming emotions, past situations
and/or dissociation.
> A person may
or may not self-injure compulsively, however, the individual often finds themselves thinking about harming their body
even when things appear to be going well.
Most people that harm their own bodies do it as a way of coping.
(whether they realize that is why they are doing it or not)
Self-Injury is a coping mechanism, not
a healthy one, but nonetheless it is a way for the person to express their emotions (fear, anger, rage, sadness) and get through
the moment.
HAVE YOU FOUND OUT THAT SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT HARMS THEIR BODY?
Here
are some tips and things TO SAY and NOT TO SAY to help the one you care about!
WHAT NOT TO SAY to someone who has recently told you that they injure themselves:
Just stop
doing it!
Do you do that for attention?
We know you're in pain, you don't have to prove it to anyone.
I can't believe you are doing this to me!
You're life wasn't that bad.
If you continue to do that,
then you better get out of here!
I can't believe you do that to yourself, there are people in other countries that....
Although you may be experiencing feelings of hurt, disbelief and you may even
be baffled by this, in most cases this is not a personal attack against you.
Self-injury,
although highly misunderstood, is a way for a person to cope with outrageously overwhelming feelings
at the moment. It may not be a "healthy" or "normal" coping mechanism, but it
is one that the person knows and for whatever reason can relate to.
Please keep in mind that not everyone
has learned how to deal with things normally nor have they learned "normal" coping skills.
(keep in mind that cutting & burning becomes normal to the person doing it)
WHAT TO SAY to someone
who has recently told you that they injure themselves:
I may not understand why you do this, but I
will try to help the best way I can.
We will get through this together.
Do you think you can talk to me when you
start to think about cutting?
You obviously don't like what they are doing, but LOVE the person, hug them,
let them know that you are there for them. Do not isolate or punish them.
If you
are a parent or guardian of someone who self-injures, you may be thinking of having "no cutting guidelines" that
your son/daughter must abide by. No person wants to see anyone causing harm to themselves (at times not even the person doing
it), however by putting strict guidelines and rules about not cutting, that only will put your son/daughter into a
corner and into reclusion. They will automatically feel as you don't care, don't understand and will
push you away. Please keep in mind that the self-injury is an outward manifestation of an inward problem. By putting
demands on the person not to cut, you are focusing on the cutting and not even dealing with the problem or problems that exist.
This again will unfortunately only back them into a corner. For some individuals, self-injury may become the only
way they can deal with anything, maybe even to avoid feeling altogether, a way to stay numb. (some individuals don't want
to experience feelings, as that is too traumatic)
Try and take the focus off the cutting and do other activities
to get the focus off of him/herself. It is important for the person to know that they have your support. If
your son/daughter feels that each time they make a mistake they get ultimatums and lectures, they may feel that they have
nobody to turn to and may turn to themselves and stay in reclusion.
Be diligent, be patient, be loving,
be understanding, be there for him or her.
HOW YOU AND YOUR FAMILY CAN COPE
You may have other
people in your household that are questioning why this person has scratches, cuts and/or burns on them.
Let's
say you have a daughter who has scratches on her arm and your other children are asking you about it. The best thing
is to speak to them on their level. (you would address a 5 year old differently than a 12 year old) Explain to them honestly
about the situation, again at the level you believe they can handle. Explain to them that their brother/sister is dealing
with something that they feel they cannot handle and this is the way they are dealing with it.
(not a healthy way)
You could say something like this: "Your sister (or brother) has marks (scratches, cuts, bruises, burns)
on her (or his) leg (part of body) because she (or he) is taking the problems out on them self. She (or he) is getting help
and will be better soon."
No person likes secrets and no matter the age of the child or person you
are explaining this to, they will appreciate your honesty.
The important thing to remember is that the
children or spouse who are doing fine (not experiencing self-injury as a coping mechanism) need your love and support
as much as the one who is cutting & dealing with the problems. It is important to be open and honest
and to come close as a family and to be supportive of one another. Keep that open line of communication, pray as
a family, talk about the issues at hand rather than storming off; no yelling, no fits, no tantrums. Staying together
and be supportive of one another will benefit everyone involved in the long run.
Whatever the person is
going through now, they most likely did not get there overnight; the problems have been there all along, it just may have
taken a particular incident for the problems to manifest. With that said, know that it will take a little time for the person
to get a handle on things. Be patient and diligent to see things through.
The main thing here
is to keep the main thing the MAIN THING!
Try and thinking on something good today: Good thoughts bring
on good actions!
